She Speaks.... .

Have you been in a situation where you didn't want to speak to someone because you had previous issues with them and you just rather not say anything?

This seemed to be a common result to fights, non-agreements etc. in my life..... Until now.

If you knew anything about me before now you would have known that I was a self-centered, selfish, hard-nosed woman that could do EVERYTHING by herself.

Well turns out that is not true. Communication is KEY and letting things out in the open could quite possibly be the best thing for you.

This morning, after going days without talking to my mother (whom which I live in the same house with) I decided to swallow my pride and talk to her.

Surprisingly, she responded cordially. (shocker) and didn't seem like she wanted me to just go away like often times she does.

Do you have people in your life that could use a talking to??

I don't know how it would make you feel but it does something to my soul :)

All other communication is well and healthy with friends, co-workers and boys.

Now if only I could stop using text messages and facebook as my #1 source of talking...

running on back up

It is obvious to me that when you are tired your brain shuts down ... literally.

At the 2nd job yesterday, I just couldn't function. I kept messing up everything and could not even push the correct computer buttons. My managers thought it was funny but I was hurtin bad. Physically, Emotionally... the whole 9. I really need a break.

Meanwhile, I have been feeling like I need to make good on my life. I don't like negativity and feeling uneasy with people. I usually say my peace, it makes people mad and then tell them I am sorry we don't see eye to eye.

So, with that said I did that with Mr. Text message(from my previous post)

I said to him: "I don't know why our conversations are so intense and end up with one of us feeling uneasy. I don't like that."

Now lets analyze this:
1: I told him how I felt good or bad.
2: I didn't back down from what I had told him previously.
3. I don't want to hold grudges and want to just be at peace with all relationships in my life.

I also emailed one of my BFF's I haven't talked to in like 2 weeks. Just to see what is going on.

It always seems hard for people to put their pride aside and admit when they are wrong. I am fortunately good at this and can own up to my mistakes.

On a good note: I went shopping this weekend and got new stuff. Went on a "hang out" with "Champagne" (don't really want to call it a date??) to a pub and was so tired had to bail out early.

We made plans to hang out later this week since he is going to Dallas for the weekend. He is going to cook dinner and I will bring the wine :)

He texted me to confirm this last night. So all is well.

The details on why we cant be together..... EVER will be reviled at a later date.

I texted Mr. R last night since I had not heard from him in over a week. He replied and told me he went out to the same place we always go.

I was upset but in the same breath not really. Should I be???

I believe One Tree Hill Tivo is calling my name for tonight.

If only I can turn back time....

With my birthday party only one day away, I am reminded of how much freaking fun I have had thus far in life.

In the same thought I am also reminded of how sad I am that some of those friends I have had the time of my life with are gone.

Now lets get things straight, some of those "friends" were toxic and just bad to begin with.

But there are the selected few that I miss dearly. That just because they did one thing I didn't like, I just told them to take a hike and that was the end of it.

Saying your sorry is a difficult thing to do. It is admission that you were wrong and your actions were not appropriate.

So let it be known that I AM SO SORRY!!!! My true friends have understanding hearts and will forgive my actions.

And the fake ones will simply just take that with a grain of salt and go on about their business.

Now that all that is out of the way... ITS PARTY TIME!

Stay tuned... There will be crazy party stories to be told.

Time is on my side

Twenty- four hours in the day never seem like enough. Working 8, and ideally sleeping 8, leaves just 8 hours for me to eat, talk on the phone, go to the bathroom, watch TV, Work Out or go on a date.

Most people I know seem to have no concept of time. I don't know the underlining reason for that, the only thing that seems logical is: A) they don't have their crap together or B) they are inconsiderate.

Growing up I was taught to be early, no matter what. Make a conscience effort to be there and be courteous to whomever you are meeting with because essential they will be waiting for you, and you don't want that.

Presently, that frame of mind has stuck with me, and I am early I would say 98% of the time I go somewhere. No matter if it is friends haning out, an interview, or work.

This weekend I had a really big event that I need to be there promptly at 1pm. My friends said they wanted to join me and with that we made a plan to meet up at noon to be in Norman by 1pm.

I arrived at the meeting place at 11:50 am and one of the other girls was ready and waiting for me. (maybe because I called her and the other girl we were meeting with 2 times that morning to make sure they were on track.)

12 pm came... then 12:10 and finally I called to see where the other girl was at 12:14 and "she said it was going to be another 5 minutes." Needless to say I was livid by this point, because I knew we were going to be late.

We get all the way to Norman at 12:50 and miss the exit!!! Have to turn around which added more time to the trip.

When we get there, They dropped me off at the door and go park the car. I call to let them know that it will be $5 for admission.

They decide they didn't want to pay and instead went to hang out in Norman somewhere, while I am already late to my event!!

I was mad and ... well just mad! The question is.. do I have a right to be? What do I say to them now? They need to know that was not cool and it was hurtful for them to just blow me off and go somewhere else when they agreed to come.

I did say something to both of them and tried to be as nice as I could. Is that enough?

I know now to just have people meet me there and go anywhere that is a timed event by myself.

Ridin' Dirty

"Oklahoma... where the wind comes sweeping down the plains... !" I hate that song, and they force every child in this state to learn it.

Oklahoma is home of the Sooners, various farms and the occasional resident with billy bob teeth. And as a city girl myself, it is always an adventure while going out to the country.

The plans for the weekend were to go to the Witcha Mountains for a race my friends had been training for. I was there for moral support and to get them anything they needed. ( I am working on doing good deeds that don't always have an outcome of benefiting myself.)

We were to stay at my friend's parents house about an hour away from the race. There, we were going to relax, take in the fresh air, ride 4 wheelers and have a great time.

Now for the record, I don't like the country at all, but every so often I try to psych myself in to thinking that a few days of being away from the city will not be that bad.

The only problem with that great scenario is... it didn't happen that way!

Using my adventurous side, we went to ride the 4 wheelers on my friend's parents 100 acre land. The one I was on broke down and so the 3 of us decide to get on the one 4 wheeler that was working.

Trying to head back to the house, we get to a point where we have to climb a hill .... and with 2 big bodies and a small one you can guess what happen next.

Needless, to say I saw my life flashing before my eyes and at the end of the day pulled 98 stickers our of my clothes, hair, shoes, and skin. :(

On a good note we did get alot of cute pictures and it was nice to be around my friends parents... because they were really helpful and sweet people.

But I am just made to be in the city and that's all there is too it.

Sex In Oklahoma City

So today's topic is not sex...( get your mind out of the gutter). I would like to bring up the M- word. I know its forbidden for some (especially guys) but marriage is supposedly a good thing.

This weekend while watching "Sex in the City: The Movie"  I guess you could say I found myself bewildered. The movie portrayed being in a relationship with a man for 10+ years without the thought of being engaged or married is normal? On a good note they also advocated being their for your girls no matter what (which I do agree with). 

I guess what I am trying to figure out is how long is "long enough" before you start to wonder if marriage is even an option. 

Now I know what the argument will be. "Only God knows when the right time will be" or "You will just know when you are ready".  All that sounds great and perfect, but there is a thing I like to call reality and uncertainty that starts to set in and before you know it you have broken it off and die a lonely, non- married woman. 

OK, OK, so that may be way left field. But it may be true. In the book I am reading: The New Eve it clearly states that some people are just not made to be married. But if it is really in your heart to be married and have kids, chances are you will. 

I guess I am just conflicted because I am in that stage in which people call "contentment". Just the whatever attitude is what I possess for the time being. If something comes along I will not say no, but I am not actively looking. 

This idea is so opposite from friends who in their spare time look at wedding dresses and subscribe to E harmony. 

I can only hope that my transition from contentment to wanting to be with someone will be smooth. 

But to pass the time until then.... can we just be friends ?... ( lamest way to get out of a relationship BTW)