Last Dance....

My favorite things to do since I could walk was dance. 

Tap, ballet, Jazz, Pom etc. I was crazy about music too. 

I started out in a little studio in my hometown and out grew it after 7 years. I was hungry for more and wanted to learn, so my mother found a place 2o mins away on the south side for us to start taking lessons. 

In the beginning at my new studio I struggled trying to keep up with the other girls. (dancing with 16 year olds when I was 11) 

But I practiced hard and love dance with all my heart and pretty soon I was at the studio every day. 

I love the way dancing made me feel. It got me away from family drama and surround me with people that truly loved me. No matter what day I was having, I could go to dance and all things that happen that day would sudden fade away. It was "my place".

During Jr. High I decided I wanted to do cheer also, so working out all the time  took a huge toll on a 16 year olds body and summer of 2001 I decided I need a break from dance for the summer, with the intentions of going back in the fall. 

Summer came and went and I was ready to go back, When we received a phone call at our house. It was the studio owner's dad asking me in a very stern voice where my mother was??? 

I said "I didn't know" and asked him if there was a problem. He said yes! 

"your bill is way over due and I had no choice but to send your account to my attorney." 

I will never forget those words and the way that conversation had made me feel. My mother, for what ever reason had not paid my sister and I's bill. 

I was so angry for so long at my selfish mother for taking the one thing I loved out of my life and vowed to never forgive her. * I still have a grudge. 

This past month I was able to reconnect with my old teacher and the staff and it was semi-awkward. I wanted to tell them how much I missed them and if I could have gotten a job and paid my bill myself , I would have. 

Those are people that will never be forgotten in my life until the day I die and have hopes that they know they change little girls lives one dance at a time. 

I have grown a thick skin, but dance and the tragic events that lead me to never go back will always lead me to tears any day of the week. 

Dems fightin' words...

Sundays are times for relaxing, church and eating lunch with the fam.

A fantasy in my world to say the least. 

I got home from church, might I say that I felt unfulfilled with the word (through no fault of my own) 

I was super hungry and wanted to have something to eat, So I asked my mother if I could cook a pizza. *always ask before you eat

She said ... "Are you hungry?" ... looking down at my watch it was 12:52. 

Yes its time to eat. 

The she asked if I ate 3 meals a day?? ** what kind of no brainier question is that? I eat 3 good meals and some snacks I guess is my answer. 

Me being hungry started an argument between my mother and father about the way food was prepared and eating. 

It blew my mind.. fighting about SOMEONE else being hungry. 

Her tone, and verbs she was using really made my heart go out to my dad. I then began to wonder if it had always been this way? 

Realizing that answer was yes, they had their argument, had been rude to each other and went back to siting on the couch, dad reading the news paper and mom eating ice cream while watching lifetime. 

If this is a sign of what my life is going to be like 26 years of marriage and 3 kids later .. you can count me OUT! 

5 is a crowd

The weekend has been a blast. 

Christmas is fastly approaching and with that some good things have come up. 

The good word is: A: my mother is actually being nice? I was really taken aback when she actually shared her dinner with me the other night. Major Plus! 

B: I have accumulated another boy to add to my list of complications and men. We shall call him JJHS. name choice being...?? We went to Jr. High together?

 I had a major crush on him and thought he was super cute. He was modest and very sweet. A total catch. 

While I was out a week ago I ran into him. It was good to see him and we took down each others numbers and went on about our merry little ways. 

The interesting part of this story is: He is totally trying to hang out with me now. Like every day?  Texting, calling etc. all the time. 

A old love interest/now friend says he is not into me? I could be reading the signs wrong but I totally think he is into me? 

Mr.R and his friend called to hang out with me and my girls  and we ended up spending alot of time together as usual. 

I blew Mr. Champagne off this weekend, even tho we kinda had plans. I needed a break, and didn't really want to hang out with him. 

Letterboy and I talked. We have a total love/hate relationship that I will never understand. He has a girlfriend now. (YAY) and seems to be doing well. I was surprisingly not jealous?? 

GRRRR... What happen to me swearing off guys and just doing the me thing? 

This has went from complicated to catastrophic.

Hope everyone has a great and safe holiday. I'll keep you updated! 

She Speaks.... .

Have you been in a situation where you didn't want to speak to someone because you had previous issues with them and you just rather not say anything?

This seemed to be a common result to fights, non-agreements etc. in my life..... Until now.

If you knew anything about me before now you would have known that I was a self-centered, selfish, hard-nosed woman that could do EVERYTHING by herself.

Well turns out that is not true. Communication is KEY and letting things out in the open could quite possibly be the best thing for you.

This morning, after going days without talking to my mother (whom which I live in the same house with) I decided to swallow my pride and talk to her.

Surprisingly, she responded cordially. (shocker) and didn't seem like she wanted me to just go away like often times she does.

Do you have people in your life that could use a talking to??

I don't know how it would make you feel but it does something to my soul :)

All other communication is well and healthy with friends, co-workers and boys.

Now if only I could stop using text messages and facebook as my #1 source of talking...