January 12, 2009

make a deal with the devil

It's decision time.
One of the hardest decisions I have had to make thus far in life.
To love myself.
It doesn't make sense I know but you will understand after I explain.
It always has to do with the male species and that seems to be my weakness. All my life I have just wanted to be loved. That kinda smile at me all crazy love. From mom, dad… someone.
Growing up, I sought comfort in being in a relationship with a boy, most of the time physical because that's what I thought love entailed.
Now, I am all grown up and have given my life to the lord, I now understand that I don't have to give my body to ANYONE. That I get to choose my comfort.
I have every reason to believe that there is a man out there for me that will respect my wishes to wait to be physical, will be sensitive to my needs and will walk beside me in everything I do.
Today, I have to tell someone whom I really like and care about that I can't talk to him ever again.  The temptation is too great and I don't want to risk having a skewed view of what I know to be true thus far.
The reason this is so significant is…. I have never told a man to leave me alone.
I just wanted all/any attention I could get.
Do you ever feel that way? Insecure as all hell and just want someone to pay attention to you? Do you fear being alone? That something is better than nothing??
Doing the right thing doesn't always feel good in the beginning, but the actio ns that occur afterwards will change your world.


Mack Momma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

It’s a difficult process going through a cull of relationships but sometimes you have to sit back and analyze what’s going on in your life to make sure there aren’t relationships that are more negative than positive going on.

Anonymous said...

Whew! You have been through some STUFF recently! All good now? Looking forward to CA in May?
About your know the story in the bible about the blind man being healed and scales fell from his eyes? The same happens to us when we are saved and we begin to see sin and separation from God for what it really is...even if we were a part of it in the past. That keeps us from repeating big mistakes. Try and forgive your family for not seeing clearly yet and stay on the "high road"! YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON!

Anonymous said...

I am glad that you have reached this point in realizing that the physical “love” is not the love that we can receive from God. God’s love is constant no matter what we have done or will do.
So how did the conversation go with the guy?
Are you doing okay about adjusting your views and expectations.

So, is it official that you are going to CA? I will continue to pray for you during this time. It is normal to be freaking out about such a big decision. You have made the decision, so now to have to act on it. Don’t let yourself think about all of the “what ifs”. There will always seem like there was a better choice. The only right choice is doing what God wants you to do.
I am glad to see that you realize that stepping away from temptations is better than trying to stare them down.
My class has been studying about temptations and how we can keep ourselves from acting on the temptations. One is to run as fast as you can. Another is to quote scripture that might help turn away from the temptation, and then there is always prayer. God does not tempt us, but He does allow satan to tempt us, but God does not allow us to be faced with more than we can bare with Him.
Remember Christ was tempted with everything we are tempted with, but He did not act on these temptations. Do you remember when satan tried to tempt Christ when He was in the wilderness? Satan tempted Christ with food, safety, and power. But Christ reminded satan of what God said in the Old Testament, and satan could not handle it. Satan hates the Word of God, though he will take some of it and twist it for his own glory.